David Cameron has called for nominations for a Big Society award for people and organisations involved in “moving power away from central government and giving it to local communities and individuals.”
What a load of fucking shit he talks. Far be it for us however to damage this brave attempt at public relations and here’s some of the nominations currently being considered.
Ian Beale
Beale the Squeal, as he likes to be known, has given hours of his time as the economic powerhouse of Albert Square. With his tireless dedication to the caf’, the stall and the chippy, Beale has ensured that no-one in Walford has ever had to sign on. True, he’s a fucking grass, a scab and a parasite on the lives of those around him but that should suit the Tories quite well. The only downside is he doesn’t actually exist. Which brings us onto …
Raoul Moat
The people’s choice Moaty gave the filth the run around and kept the nation entertained for days with his continued evasion of police. His legend status was sadly tarnished however by a history of beating up girlfriends and generally being a bit of a knob. This could all have been forgiven of course, if only he’d shot more coppers. As it stands he turned out to be a bit of a disappointment, although he does lead us nicely into …
Gazza
The nation’s favourite cheeky chappy brought a tear to the eye with his fried chicken and lager mercy mission. A top footie player to boot he could have been the one, but sadly he also suffers from a bit of a dodgy past and possibly an even dodgier future. Good bloke to have on your side if you set out on a murderous rampage though and deserves a mention just for that. But our nomination is going to …
The Millbank Rioters
Without a shadow of a doubt the Millbank protesters who not only trashed the Tory Headquarters but also gave hope to a nation deserve one of these prestigious awards. With those that have least facing the biggest assault on their living standards in living memory they have set the course for a fightback that will be about more than standing in the rain listening to Tony Benn. Let’s hope they keep it up this Thursday.
So that’s our nomination sorted. Also rans were Fitwatch for their continued humiliation of the Metropolitan Police, but we suspect they wouldn’t appreciate a nomination The public school poisoner could’ve been a contender except it probably wasn’t a very good idea really and anyway he fucked it up. Finally veteran anarchist, Class War founder and now political blogger Ian Bone is an obvious candidate. It’s just we heard he already nominated himself. Twice.
You can send your nominations to: http://www.number10.gov.uk/bigsocietyawards
It would be a shame if they had their time wasted chasing up fictitious nominations.
The Fanatic 